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An Open Letter to would-be Mothers

It's one of the most well attended services of the year. Next to Christmas and Easter, Mother's Day ranks as the third highest attended day of the year in most churches, because who can turn mom down when she asks them to go to church with her on her special day? I mean really, that's probably down right criminal in most states. As we approach another Mother's Day (I'm writing this in April), lurking in the shadows of pretty flowers and Sunday best lies the unspoken grief and unintended pain this day can bring for a precious group of ladies within a church family.

It is an unspoken grief that most would not understand but it is there in the hearts of many women. One of the unfortunate consequences of highlighting the joys of motherhood is also the light it shines the grief and pain of many women who would love to be mothers, but, for whatever reason, were not permitted to be. Every woman, I suppose, grows up like my daughter did, playing house; arranging to take care of their babies and provide for them. I think it's inherent in the heart of every girl to provide for a baby. Yet so many have not had that joy in their real life and, consequently, they live with the grief and the pain of not having experienced what their childhood dreams taught them that for which they had hoped. Into this void of grief and pain, we read the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1 and it informs us a great deal on how to approach such matters, it what God showed me this morning from 1 Samuel 1 & 2.

Highlight:

'“No, my lord,” Hannah replied. “I am a woman with a broken heart. I haven’t had any wine or beer; I’ve been pouring out my heart before the Lord . Don’t think of me as a wicked woman; I’ve been praying from the depth of my anguish and resentment.” Eli responded, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant the request you’ve made of him.” “May your servant find favor with you,” she replied. Then Hannah went on her way; she ate and no longer looked despondent. ' 1 Samuel 1:15-18

Explain:

As 1 Samuel opens we meet a man named Elkanah. Elkanah has two wives Penninah and Hannah. A cultural understanding of how this society viewed women is critical to understanding this story in its fullest. Jewish society, and the people surrounding it at this time, viewed the passing on of the family line as most important. All the heritage and inheritance and land of the family name was passed down through the lineage. A high priority was placed on this, so women were viewed unfortunately as a means to that end. They had little value save for their ability to have children. Their worth was found only in their ability to procreate and pass down the family name and line. When we understand this, we can empathize more fully with the desperate grief of Hannah’s barrenness. Chapter 1, verse 6 tells us that Elkanah’s wife, Penninah, would taunt her and provoke her because of her barrenness and her inability to have children.

The text is clear however that the Lord is the One who kept her from conceiving. God is the One who gives the miracle of conception and withholds it for His own purposes. Elkanah’s compassion is rather out of step with society in these verses and proof that He does indeed love His wife. Most husbands would scorn their wives if they were unable to conceive and yet Elkanah does his best in these moments to honor his wife and demonstrate his love for her. Even still Hannah is filled with grief over her barrenness and she pours her heart out to the Lord.

In her desperation, she carries her grief to the Lord. She promises to give the boy back to the Lord, if He will give her a son. A promise she will keep. Eli, the High Priest, misinterprets her grief for drunkenness in the midst of her passionate pleas to God, and he interrupts her prayer by chiding her for her drunkenness. But instead of getting upset for being judged, Hannah explains to Eli that she isn’t drunk but grieving and pouring that grief out to the Lord.

Eli’s response to her grief is very important. He responds, “go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant the request you’ve made of him.” Eli’s wish came true for Hannah and God answered her prayer with a beautiful incredible son. The boy will grow strong in the Lord and be used greatly in Israel. Chapter 2, verse 35 reads, ‘Then I will raise up a faithful priest for myself. He will do whatever is in my heart and mind. I will establish a lasting dynasty for him, and he will walk before my anointed one for all time. ' 1 Samuel 2:35

Samuel’s imprint on Israel could not be more important for He would indeed be the one who would walk before my anointed one (King David) for all time. He would even be the one to anoint him.

Apply:

What do we learn from this story? This story must inform how we view conception, life in the womb, motherhood, and the grief and depression of would-be mothers.

1. God is the One who brings conception and withholds it. This must inform our view of when life begins and the abortion debate. It is clear that God is the One who brings about life inside the womb of a mother and the One who withholds. The text is clear that God had kept Hannah from conceiving until she prayed in desperation to God. When she did pray for a son, God granted her request and allowed her to conceive. That means that if a woman conceives, it is God who is allowing that. Therefore even in the unfortunate case of rape or the life of the mother, as difficult as that situation may be and as rare as it may be, God is the One who has allowed it with full knowledge of the situation therefore, we must not allow our determinative view of the situation to abolish God’s plans in that moment. God is the One who in His grace and wisdom has allowed for that situation to occur and He and He alone knows the plans for that child. We do not have the right to alter those plans for convenience sake. This selfishness stands in the place of God and makes us make decisions without the providential knowledge of God.

2. A second and related understanding to this is that if there is a barrenness or an inability to conceive, this

too is the work of God. This is a difficult truth to understand. I know of so many women today who would be beautiful incredible moms, who for whatever reason, God has chosen not to give them children in this season of their life. This can cause them grief and deep depression. It would be very easy in that moment for these women to blame themselves or even grow bitter at God, but we must remember that God is the One who brings conception and withholds it for His own purposes and HIs ways are right and good.

3. I must hasten to add, these women need to be shown the same kind of compassion in their grief in these moments that Elkanah showed Hannah. Rather than being upset with his wife for her grief, rather than being frustrated with her, he entered into her grief with her and wept with her. He showed her grace and compassion by granting her special favor and care at the time of the sacrifices, and we must do the same.

4. A related understanding here is that we must guard ourselves from misunderstanding or judging that grief in them as Eli did. We must be careful to not misjudge their grief but show understanding. It would be very easy for us to be insensitive to their grief because we may not completley understand the grief they feel, it may be foreign to us, but we must show them compassion and sympathize with them.

5. Once Eli fully understood the nature of her grief and the depth of her anguish he responds rightly by praying, ‘Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant the request you’ve made of him.’ It is interesting that Eli calls the Lord the God of Israel here. It is almost as if he has in view, the God who makes good on promises to people who were unable to have children. Remember the concept of the nation of Israel is rooted in a promise made to a man and woman who were all beyond child bearing years. God is able to do anything including speak life into a lifeless womb, it is to this God and this promise that Eli appeals. But what is most important here is that Eli tells her to "go in peace”. This is how we should apply these verses here. We must pray for God’s peace to rest on would-be mothers who are walking in this grief. We must pray for them and show compassion on them and love them in the midst of this grief and intercede with them for God to grant them peace in the wake of God’s choice to not bring them children at this time. For that is indeed what is most important in this moment.

We cannot rightly pray that God would give them children for we do not know what God knows in their situation, but we can pray for their peace that God in His wisdom and grace would grant them the peace to be at rest with His decision in their lives in this moment. We can stand in intercession for them in this and love and show compassion and appreciate the grief they bear, we must guard ourselves from viewing their grief as petty or trite or misjudge their pain, and instead pray for their peace and show them the grace that Eli showed Hannah in that moment in the hopes that God, in His time, would grant their request to have a child.

Respond:

God give me the grace to understand and embrace would-be mothers who carry this grief. Help me to model what I have learned. I pray this morning for their peace, I pray that You would show them Your grace and love today and that You would carry them. Help them to trust Your wisdom in their lives in this moment and guard them from bitterness and depression. Grant their desires in Your time as You see fit but most of all grant them the peace that only You can give one whose heart is hidden in You.


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Drew Tankersley -
Husband, Father, Pastor 

 Committed to faithfulness personally, in the family, and in ministry with a desire to

“feed the flock of God as a good shepherd” and “equip the saints for ministry.”

I'm blessed to be married to my incredible wife, Georgia, and honored to be dad to Colby and Carly.  I serve as Lead Pastor at South Seminole Baptist Church in East Ridge, TN.

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